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ToonTowns Jokes Thread - Printable Version

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ToonTowns Jokes Thread - Scrivenator - 25-03-2018

Pleas make this a Danny free zone. Thankyou.


RE: ToonTowns Jokes Thread - Scrivenator - 25-03-2018

Okay,

I'll kick this off.


Quote:
Quote:A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. 
He gives the young boy three 10p coins to play with to keep him occupied. 
 
Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face. The father realises the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back.. 
 
The boy coughs up two of the 10p's but is still choking. 
Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help. 
 
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper, places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant. 
 
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully pulls down his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.. tighter and tighter !!!


After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and   coughs up the last  of the 10p's, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. 
 
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word. 
 
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? " 
 
'No,' the woman replied.

I'm with the Inland Revenue..'



RE: ToonTowns Jokes Thread - Scrivenator - 30-03-2018

Somethings wrong with one of my testicles.

It seems bigger than the other two.


RE: ToonTowns Jokes Thread - PozinBootz - 30-03-2018

Whats got 2 wings and an arrow?












Chinese telephone

'Wing Wing'

'Arrow'


RE: ToonTowns Jokes Thread - sossujrurl - 13-04-2018

A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”.

“No, go right ahead”, the woman replies.

The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down.

“Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot”


RE: ToonTowns Jokes Thread - Scrivenator - 13-04-2018

(13-04-2018, 04:55 PM)sossujrurl Wrote: A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”.

“No, go right ahead”, the woman replies.

The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down.

“Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot”

Jesus fuckin Christ


RE: ToonTowns Jokes Thread - PozinBootz - 13-04-2018

(13-04-2018, 08:40 PM)Scrivenator Wrote:
(13-04-2018, 04:55 PM)sossujrurl Wrote: A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”.

“No, go right ahead”, the woman replies.

The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down.

“Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot”

Jesus fuckin Christ



RE: ToonTowns Jokes Thread - Earl Bentwilly - 17-04-2018

Im sick of those russian dolls





theyre just full of themselves

(13-04-2018, 04:55 PM)sossujrurl Wrote: A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”.

“No, go right ahead”, the woman replies.

The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down.

“Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot”

This is amazing and im stealing it right now


RE: ToonTowns Jokes Thread - sossujrurl - 19-04-2018

I asked for an arse transplant on the NHS. I was given a swift rebuttal.


RE: ToonTowns Jokes Thread - PozinBootz - 19-04-2018

(19-04-2018, 08:11 AM)sossujrurl Wrote: I asked for an arse transplant on the NHS. I was given a swift rebuttal.

Danny just has to be Soss ower there Dodgy


RE: ToonTowns Jokes Thread - Earl Bentwilly - 19-04-2018

(19-04-2018, 08:11 AM)sossujrurl Wrote: I asked for an arse transplant on the NHS. I was given a swift rebuttal.

tee hee hee

I split up with my girlfriend because of her obsession with counting.


I wonder what she's up to now.


RE: ToonTowns Jokes Thread - Scrivenator - 19-04-2018

(19-04-2018, 09:53 AM)PozinBootz Wrote:
(19-04-2018, 08:11 AM)sossujrurl Wrote: I asked for an arse transplant on the NHS. I was given a swift rebuttal.

Danny just has to be Soss ower there Dodgy

Sorry to disagree, but that was funny. In fairness Soss's other offering was of Dannyesque proportions like.


RE: ToonTowns Jokes Thread - sossujrurl - 21-04-2018

In the 70s Sister Sledge used to drive around in British cars. Their favourites were the Austin Music and Cortina Trap.


RE: ToonTowns Jokes Thread - PozinBootz - 21-04-2018

(21-04-2018, 06:45 PM)sossujrurl Wrote: In the 70s Sister Sledge used to drive around in British cars. Their favourites were the Austin Music and Cortina Trap.

Don't get it Dodgy


RE: ToonTowns Jokes Thread - cuntyballs - 22-04-2018

TWO Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.
The older of the two pulls a small folder out of her handbag and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.
''This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now.''
''Yes, I remember him as a baby,'' says the other mother cheerfully.
"He's a martyr now though." the mother confides.
"Oh, so sad dear...'' says the other.
''And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21.''
''Oh, I remember him,'' says the other happily, ''he had such curly hairwhen he was born.''
''He's a martyr too...'' says the mother quietly.
''Oh, gracious me...'' says the other.
''And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would have been 18'', she whispers.
"Yes," says the friend enthusiastically, ''I remember when he first started school...''
''He's a martyr also,'' says the mother, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the right words, says .

Big Grin Big Grin  . .




"They blow up so fast, don't they?"     Rolleyes


RE: ToonTowns Jokes Thread - sossujrurl - 23-05-2018

Working at the laundry, I saw that different garments went into different bags:

Bag A - Jumpers
Bag B - Tee shirts

When I saw Bag E - Trousers

I thought it was Madness.


RE: ToonTowns Jokes Thread - PozinBootz - 23-05-2018

(23-05-2018, 09:56 PM)sossujrurl Wrote: Working at the laundry, I saw that different garments went into different bags:

Bag A - Jumpers
Bag B - Tee shirts

When I saw Bag E - Trousers

I thought it was Madness.
 that's quite funny for you Cool
Smile


RE: ToonTowns Jokes Thread - Cartz - 24-05-2018

Ban yourself for a few days for that last one Soss.


RE: ToonTowns Jokes Thread - sossujrurl - 28-05-2018

Just for Poz this one:

A German tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my precious little dog who was drowning, after he climbed out he handed me the dog and said “here is ze dog keep him varm and dry him off he vill be fine”
I said “are you a vet?” He replied “vet?.. I’m fucking soaking”


RE: ToonTowns Jokes Thread - enrique - 28-05-2018

Oh  dear Dodgy      How  many  days  to  christmas (crackers)  Soss  ??


RE: ToonTowns Jokes Thread - sossujrurl - 06-06-2018

Tom Hanks, Rudyard Kipling and Spandau Ballet to collaborate on their most enduring hits. Big if true.


RE: ToonTowns Jokes Thread - PozinBootz - 25-06-2018

(06-06-2018, 12:50 PM)sossujrurl Wrote: Tom Hanks, Rudyard Kipling and Spandau Ballet to collaborate on their most enduring hits. Big if true.

Dodgy

I prefer eye jokes

The cornea the better Smile

(dedicated to The Young Soldier)


RE: ToonTowns Jokes Thread - BFT - 27-11-2018

The fish one is fucking brilliant!


RE: ToonTowns Jokes Thread - Scrivenator - 09-12-2018

(27-11-2018, 12:17 AM)BFT Wrote: The fish one is fucking brilliant!

?? sorry BFT - I'm not with you... Big Grin Big Grin


RE: ToonTowns Jokes Thread - BFT - 11-12-2018

To be honest I dont care that I have been made to look extremely foolish and a plonker.  I'm just pleased that god-awful joke has gone forever